Jean-Claude's White Rose (firefly319) wrote,
Jean-Claude's White Rose
firefly319

Why me?

I am so tired of everything. If I could, I would just hide away, and never speak to anyone again. Chris is pushing me away because of her. He left here at 11 because he was "tired" and she called him, and he went to her. Until 4:30 this morning. I am so tired of this shit. He still likes her, I can tell, and he still denies it. He called me, and told me (at 5) that he went to hang out with her. After he YELLED at me Sat, and told me he wasn't hanging out with her yesterday, so that is why he just hung out with her Sat, and supposedly me Sunday. She calls, and he FUCKING GOES TO HER. I told him he is hurting me, and pushing me away, and he just said he had to go to bed. I shouldn't care this much, but after 4 years, I can't help it. If they are just friends, then he shouldn't monopolize his time to her, and I get shafted. He should hang out with us both. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. I told him he is pushing me away, and if he treats me like this, I'm gone. I am so tired of feeling like I am not good enough. He makes me feel like she is more "worthy" of his time. She spends 15 hours in two days with him, and I get 2. How the fuck is that fair? I just want to ignore his call tomorrow, but I also don't. I don't want to do anything to push him away more. I've been crying for pretty much an hour now. I am just so tired of being me.
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