Jean-Claude's White Rose (firefly319) wrote,
Jean-Claude's White Rose
firefly319

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Here come the tears...

I am so sick of the holidays. I hate them.

I am sick of life right now. I just want to curl into a ball and give up. Why is it that the source of my sadness is so often related to Chris? Indirectly sometimes, and other times... totally him.

I am just so tired of trying so hard. I want him to be my friend, I want him to be here for me... but there are times that I feel so far away from him, I just want to cry.

Like tonight, I called him to say Merry Christmas, because he did not call me today. I talked with him for a bit... he was, well... himself. The normal kinda picking on me type conversation. He told me that his friend and him are going out of town tomorrow morning, which I knew, but that he was going over there tonight so that they could leave early in the AM.

So, I do not get to see him at all before then, which I sorta expected, but he said he might call me Sat when they return... which means that I will not get to talk to him before that, and that there is a good chance that he will not even call me until New Year's or something.

I miss him... even tho I saw him the other night. I am pathetic. But I do not really hang out with my family much, so I wish I had him to hang out with. I am tired of trying to prove my friendship, and prove my worth to him. I just want to hide.

Alison
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