September 15th, 2002

SPN - Winchesters.

Hmmm... neglect, my friend.

Ok, so I was doing really well with writing in here for a while. Then life got hectic. Work, trying to have a life, you know... the small stuff. :) So seriously... life is going well. I am working my butt off at my new job, getting ready to take my store on the 23rd. Been hanging out with Chris. He is great... such a good friend. I wish he would get over the insecurities that I am going to think/want more from our friendship. I am happy with how it is. Plus, he told me he loved me as a friend. How great is that? I have always wanted a friend that close.

Today is a total relaxation day. Love it. Needed it.

Oooh... this week I work, next week... KEYSTONE! Rah!

Alison
  • Current Music
    Big Brother 3... so it's not music, but whatever...
SPN - Winchesters.

Oh...

and how the hell do I get in shape by New Year's??? I will do anything... eat whatever. I want it... any ideas?

Alison
SPN - Winchesters.

Another quizzy thang...

Stolen from a mod at FF...

Spell your first name back wards: Nosila
The story behind your LJ user name: Firefly319? Firefly has been my screen nickname forever, 31 was my employee code at my first job, and 9? I had to make Firefly31 longer when I was 19 for something, so I added the 9, and it stuck.
Are you a lesbian?: Nope
How old?: 23
Where do you live?: Denver, CO
4 words that sum you up: loyal, caring, loving, kind


DESCRIBE YOUR-
Wallet: Just my purse... nothing special
Hairbrush: blue... once again, not very special
Toothbrush: Whiteish... made by Crest, I think
Jewelry worn daily: Earrings, Tongue Ring
Pillow cover: black
Blanket: I have a white sheet, a blue plaid elec. blanket, and a black/white (black on one side, white on the other) comforter. I have a zebra looking blanket on my couch... so comfy
Coffee cup: don't have one
Sunglasses: Don't have these either...
Underwear: Uh... which ones? Now? Silky multi colored thingys
Shoes: Uh.. typically these black things... comfy, and totally falling apart. *mental note: buy new shoes*
Handbag: this black purse that I like b/c it has a handle on it... also a shoulder strap
Favorite top: Just a simple button down... I dunno why
Favorite pants: jeans
Cologne/Perfume: Victoria Secret's Heavenly... mmmmmmmm
CD in stereo right now: In the car... Eminem, Incubus, Linkin Park...
Tattoos: my name in Chinese caligraphy on my right shouler blade, then a rose piercing thru a heart on celtic type artwork on my lower back... for now :)
Piercings: two earrings in each ear, and my tongue... once again, for now...
What you are wearing now: night clothes... lazy day
Hair: Dark brown with red highlighted pieces thru it
Makeup: typically? cover-up, power, and blush.... sometimes, I do my eyes with eye-liner and eye make-up

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)-
In my mouth: tongue ring
In my head: Hell yeah... interception!
Wishing: For someone to love me
After this: Dinner
Talking to: My cat, but he isn't talking much ;)
Eating: Notta
Fetishes: Honestly, no clue... hot gay men on tv?
If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason?: Uh... no murder, but I would like to slap some people... but if I had to pick, whatever asshole killed my friend
Person you wish you could see right now: Chris
Is next to you: Chester
Some of your favorite movies: Tough... I watch too many
Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months: New Year's I guess...
The last thing you ate?: mac n cheese
Something that you are deathly afraid of?: death... hello obvious
Do you like candles: hell ya
Do you like hot wax: Sure...
Do you like incense: the ones that smell good I do
Do you like the taste of blood: Uh.... eww....
Do you believe in love: definately
Do you believe in soul mates: yes
Do you believe in love at first sight: hmmm... maybe
[Do you believe in Heaven: yes
Do you believe in forgiveness: yes
Do you believe in God: yes
What do you want done with your body when you die: be put in a purdy coffin...
Who is your worst enemy?: myself... a thinker, isn't it?
If you could have any animal for a pet: tiger
Ever been to Belgium?: No
Can you eat with chopsticks: Yep
What's your favorite coin?: gold ones :)
What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?: San Diego, Honolulu, Geneva, Sydney, Paris
What are some of your favorite pig out foods?: cheesecake
What's something that you wish people would understand?: I am not an inherinately perky person... just because I am not perky, doesn't mean I am unhappy
What's something you wish you could understand better?: life in general
Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?: Not really... just saw my best friend from Seattle... so... no
What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow?: Find happiness? *shrug*



LONG quiz... tired now... heh.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired
SPN - Winchesters.

This makes up for not posting in... forever.

Ok, this is me venting. If some kind human who actually reads my babble cares to respond, I will love you forever. Not that I am looking for a solution... I may have bitched here before about this... but regardless... here goes...

Chris. How did you guess this was going to be about him. So, the way I see our friendship, is that I do not see us as anything else. I truly don't. We are SO close... this is the closest friendship I have ever had. Someone to talk to, hang out with... a best friend. Last night, when we had the "we are JUST friends" discussion... AGAIN... I brought up something that he said when we *first* had this discussion. He said that he could *never* see us as anything but really good friends.

Like I said above, that is what I think... my problem with that statement, however, is the word *never*. I hate that word. I have seen people be friends and figure out they are soulmates (i.e. Chandler and Monica... just kidding). I know it happens. While I see us as only friends, I have never said that nothing can EVER happen in the future. I am willing to keep my mind open to even the slightest possiblity of *someday*. I want to know why he is so final with this... but I don't want to ask him, because that is the perfect way to freak a guy out. I do not want to ruin our friendship... so I am going to keep my mouth shut. I just wish I knew what about me makes it so we could never be together.

I know he cares about me, and that is good enough... I care about him too... I am just frustrated. I feel sort of, emotionally hurt because of that statement... ya know? It is stupid, and I just need to vent. I want to figure things out... I just want to know why... not change anything... but why.
  • Current Mood
    confused confused