November 18th, 2002

SPN - Winchesters.

*sigh*

Man this is difficult... what a difficult conversation.

Chris was telling me that I need more confidence. I do, I do not like myself. I told him that I was not skinny, and not pretty, and that is why I had no confidence.

He told me that while I could be skinnier than I am, I am not fat... then he asked why I thought I wasn't pretty. I told him because in 23 years, no one had told me that I was. He brought up Robert, my friend from work that was murdered in Jan. He told me that I was pretty... I miss him. Not for that, I just miss him.

Chris told me that confidence makes a person prettier than they are. He, of course, didn't say I was pretty... which is fine. I don't need his pity. I just wish I could lose weight, look like I want to look, and finally like myself.

I am glad that I have Chris to talk to... but there are times that I am worried that he is going to think "screw her, she has way too many issues, I can find a new friend to hang out with."

I need to figure out my issues, and just figure out how to finally get in shape. For me, not for anyone else.

I just hope he stays with me along the way... I don't want to lose him. His friendship means the world to me, and so does he. I just pray that he cares about me too.
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