Jean-Claude's White Rose (firefly319) wrote,
Jean-Claude's White Rose

A small update...

Well, I can't sleep. Not like before I couldn't sleep... like now I hate my dreams kind of sleep.

If I could go more than a few hours without crying to the point of dehydrating myself, I would be thrilled.

Kat asked if I was going to explain what happened at some point, and I will... just not while the pain is so raw.

I am so alone. Its to the point that I am ready to give up on ever finding love... I'm just going to wait for my settlement, buy a place... get 2 more cats and a mini dog, and talk to my plants. Seriously, given my track record, why did I think this would work? Why did I think I could be happy? Sometimes I feel like I am being punished. I was SO happy for almost 2 months... like to the point that I have never really felt before... and then this happens. I guess I don't deserve to be happy... I'm getting quite good at taking the disappointment.

So, I am going to go back to bed... I barely slept at all last night. I'm going to hope for a dreamless, or at least off topic, sleep.

Life sucks.

I need to get drunk.

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