Jean-Claude's White Rose (firefly319) wrote,
Jean-Claude's White Rose

To complain or not to complain... that is the question.

I hate to come here after a million years and bitch about my life, but it seems appropriate at the moment. Why the FUCK does life have to be so difficult? My boyfriend is going through the worst patch of his life, and its making him question EVERYTHING in his life. I dont know what to say to him, because he is already stressed out beyond belief and I dont want to make anything worse. I write him daily to say hello and stuff, and sometimes he writes back, sometimes he doesn't. He literally has lost all meaning to everything in his life, which terrifies me because I can not fathom us not being together. All I can do is sit here, listen to him when he does talk, and cry. I am good at that. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Good times. Anyways, thats all I have. I dont know what to say anymore. I want to take sleeping pills and sleep the next month away. I want a magic remote control that rewinds time back to when things were good in his life. I want my heart to stop aching. I dont fucking know anymore. Every thought, plan, dream, etc. for the future has him in it. I have never felt this way about anyone. I just want him to feel better so that he can think straight again and we can continue on with our lives together. I am so lost right now. I have so many things I want to say to him, but I dont because he is already stressed enough, and thinking about enough, as it is. I honestly think I am losing my mind. I just cant handle all of this. Maybe I just dont want to handle it. I dont fucking know anymore. All I can do is sit here, and pray that things turn out the way they should. I just dont know anymore. I am trying to stay positive for the both of us, but fuck is it hard. When I write him I try to stay as positive as humanly possible, which is why I break down I guess. I wonder if I can switch to a new depression medication that will just make me numb. Anyhow, thanks for reading if you did.

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